


Not My Body

by orphan_account



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: F/M, I edited the tags if you were wondering, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3582324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gender was a foreign concept to Dan, he didn't really know what he was. But coming through his own struggles brought him his own makeshift family, an most importantly, let him know he wasn't alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not A Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This was sitting in my drafts for a while, so I decided to "edit" it and make it all nice. I, for one, dont indentify with my birth gender, so this fic hits kinda close to home. I'm also adding some of my personal experiences with gender and how people have taken the news. Idk, this sounded like a good idea in my head, who knows how this will turn out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan was confused about a lot of things, and school wasn't helping.

Dan was never serious with people. He was always either joking or smiling, so when his face was blank, people noticed.

"You okay, man?" Somebody asked him, Dan almost cringing at that word.

"I'm fine, just tired." He choked out, emotion barely in his voice. He kept his head low, hoping people would take that as a sign to leave him alone.

He'd been repeating the same sentence for days, giving that same excuse over and over again. But it was partly true, Dan was tired. Dan was tired of his life. Dan was tired of feeling like an outcast. Dan was tired of not feeling like a boy. He pushed whatever feeling he was about to have back down, and made his way to his classes.

 

"Avidan! What's the answer to the question on the board?" Mrs. Rory asked, clearly taking notice of his distress. His mind was too full to pay attention, he kept drifting in and out of concentration

"I don’t know ma'am." Dan sighed, getting ready for whatever she was going to yell at him. The teachers had started to notice his lack of motivation, and they decided he was a good target to ask questions.

"Pay attention, mister, eyes on the board!" She said to him, and she continued teaching. Dan felt like crying at the word "mister", kept it in. He had time after school to deal with that. He put his hands under his head, at least trying to learn something, but it was to no avail. School was just adding to his list of problems. Maybe once he sorted this all out he'd be okay, if he sorted it out.

 

As Dan made his way to the front doors of his school, he could've screamed at the feeling of finally being out of his glasses. The stress of trying to maintain is grades and stay sane were getting to be a bit much,

"Dan! Wait up!" Somebody yelled from behind him, one of the few voices that didn't make him wanna throw up.

"Hey, Arin." Dan greeted, trying to give him a small smile. Dan really enjoyed Arin's company, even in his darkest hours, Arin was always there.

"Are we still hanging out?" Arin replied, his breath still ragged from running.

"I don't man, I'm tired." Dan said again, his autopilot taking over. He didn’t know if he could go that long without crying, and he didn’t wanna risk it.

"You okay?" Arin asked, the only person who'd shown him real concern. Dan and Arin were best friends, he didn’t know why he felt so scared to tell Arin the truth.

"Fuck, I don't know. Can we talk at your house?" Dan rushed out, his eyes focused on the pavement below his feet.

"Sure." Arin replied, giving Dan another concerned filled glance, which Dan pretended not to notice. Maybe talking to Arin would help, Dan didn’t know how long he could keep all of this inside his system.


	2. Picking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming out stories don't always end in happiness and hugs, so Dan was thankful theirs did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These starting chapters are kinda short, I'm hoping it won't stay that way. I'm not that good a reading as I am writing, this text is kinda small, so sorry for any errors!!

"So, what's up?" Arin asked and he and Dan plopped down on the unmade bed.

"I've just been thinking recently, about a lot of things." Dan said, his voice shaky. He was nervous to tell something to somebody he trusted with everything, which wasn’t a good sign.

"And I, uh, don't really feel like a boy. I feel like a girl sometimes, and sometimes I feel like nothing. I don't know what to do Arin, I don’t even know how to handle this." Dan said, his shaky voice turning into harsh sobs as he went on.

"I don’t know who to talk to about this, I don’t even know how people are gonna take this. I'm so scared, Arin." Dan cried, wiping the tears from his face.

"Hey, hey, it’s okay. I don’t mind, I'm one hundred percent here for you, no matter what." Arin replied, pulling Dan into a warm embrace.

"Don’t be afraid to talk to me, ever." Arin said, pulling Dan's face up so they could make eye contact. Dan almost cried harder now that Arin was here for him, he'd never felt that kind of support before, from anyone.

 

"Thank you so much for being here for me, I don’t wanna feel like a freak anymore." Dan said into Arin's shoulder, the feeling of finally having somebody to talk to was amazing.

"You're not a freak Dan, you're just different. Different is good." Arin said, so Dan just relished in the feeling of having Arin's arms around him.

"Are you okay with me calling you Dan? Do you want me to use other pronouns?" Arin asked calmly, his voice soft in Dan's ear.

"Dan is fine. Um, could you use they pronouns today? If it's not too much to ask." Dan replied, rushing the last part out.

"I will use any pronouns you want me to, just tell me!" Arin said back, smiling down at Dan. 

"But what if they change, would that be okay?" Dan wondered, slightly nuzzling his head into Arin's shoulder.

"Of course, anything I can do to make you comfortable, just let me know." Arin assured, curling some of Dan's hair around his fingers. Dan felt better now that they'd got that of their chest, maybe breathing would be a little easier now.

 

It was night time when Dan finally left Arin's house. Arin insisted to walk Dan home, but they assured Arin that they would be fine.

"I'm not a boy." Dan whispered to themself as they walked home, the gentle breeze gently ruffling their hair.

"I'm not a boy." Dan said in a louder tone, the smile on their face growing bigger. It felt so freeing to finally say it out loud. This was real, and things were alright. Dan wasn't ready to come out just yet, it would be a while until that. They were happy that somebody finally knew, and they were happy somebody cared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, let this be your place to talk if you need it! Have any questions about gender? Not too sure about pronouns? I'm always here to answer!


	3. Names, There's A Lot Of 'Em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birth names can bring memories that you never want to see again, and sometimes they don't. A new name means a new you, so Dan decided to change theirs, well, a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally dont go by my birth name. because being trans/demiboy, I wanted something more masculine. Finding a new name that fits you can be hard, but I've used a lot of name generator sites for writing, so I used those. This is late and im sorry about that!! Sorry for any mistakes my computer is being so slow.

It was late when Dan made it through his front door, so they tried to be as quiet as possible. They wouldn't get in trouble for being out late, their parents had no problem with it, they just didn't want them asking where they'd been and what they'd been doing. Dan wasn't always the best liar, so they was hoping they could get to their room without being interrogated.

When Dan made it to his room, after tripping a little, they plopped down on their bed and stared at the ceiling. They had a lot to think about, so getting enough sleep probably wasn't on the agenda. Dan had lied to Arin just a tad, and said that they were okay with being called Dan. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. Sometimes Dan didn't like that name, it indicated that they were still a boy, even on the days where they felt genderless. Maybe they could go by Danny? It's more neutral than Dan, which is a plus.

"Hi, my names Danny." They whispered in their room, testing to see how easy it would be to say it. Maybe when they felt more feminine, they could go by Dani. Thinking about all these possibilities made Dan excited, and they couldn't wait to tell Arin. Dan forced their eyes closed to go to sleep, they had to make sure to see Arin before school.

 

Dan never got up early, so when their mom noticed them up at 6 am, she asked questions.

"What are you up so early for? I never see you up before 8?" She wondered, looking at them with a smile.

"Oh, uh, I have to meet Arin for, uh, a school project." Dan stuttered out, praying to the god they didn't believe in that their mom would believe it. 

"Alright, make sure to make it to school on time, Dan." She smiled at them, so they made their way out the door and to Arin's house.

When Dan knocked on the door to the Hanson household, they were hoping that somebody was awake. They didn’t actually tell Arin that they were coming over, so they were hoping that luck was on their side today. When the sound of the door unlocking reached Dan's ears, they perked up.

"Oh, hey Dan! What brings you here so early?" Arin's dad asked as he opened the door, a welcoming smile on his face.

"I, uh, need to talk to Arin. Is he awake yet?" Dan replied, shifting on their feet.

"Don’t think so, but you can head up there to check!" Arin's dad said, moving from in front of the door to let Dan in. Dan was going to say thank you, but they were really excited to tell Arin about things, so they thought it could wait.

 

When Dan got to Arin's room, they could hear him shuffling around. At least he was awake.

"Arin?" Dan asked, softly knocking on the door.

"Come in!" Arin replied, so Dan opened the door to go in. Arin was sitting on his bed, which wasn't made, and he had a sketchbook in his lap.

"You're up early." Dan said, looking at Arin's face for any signs of hurt or discomfort. Dan wasn't worried about Arin, they just wanted to make sure he was alright.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep that well." Arin replied, his sketching coming to a slow stop.

"You alright?" Dan asked, their own thoughts being pushed out by the concern of Arin's well being.

"Dan, I'm fine, just couldn’t sleep. Stop worrying." Arin replies, giving Dan a warm smile that makes them blush.

"Oh, uh, I was thinking about names last night! I think I want to be called Danny." Dan said, maybe to prevent anything else to come from their mouth.

"Like D-a-n-n-y or D-a-n-i?" Arin asks.

"Depends on how I'm feeling really, like when I don’t feel like a boy, I'll be D-a-n-i." Dan explains, and Arin smiles at them.

"Alright, no problem!" Arin says. It feels like the smile on Arin's face had been there this whole time, which Danny didn't mind, but it did make them feel happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any questions? Just let me know! If I can't answer your question, or you dont feel comfortable asking/telling a stranger, nonbinary.org is cool site to visit!


End file.
